When was the last time someone asked you whether your diarrhoea was the consistency of porridge while you were sitting on the bus? If your answer is “never”, then you’re one of the lucky ones who hasn’t had an NHS phone consultation at a time that’s convenient for you as a patient. In theory, phone appointments are a good idea for patients because they allow you to speak to a medical professional without having to get to a hospital or a GP surgery.

But when have they ever worked that way for patients? When has a medic ever phoned at the time listed on an appointment? Do they not realise that patients have lives they need to get on with and don’t have time to hang around for a call that might never come? I think my favourite one so far, as an incurable bowel cancer patient, was about six months into my treatment.

When the doctor phoned me to talk about side effects and whether I was okay for chemotherapy the following day, he started by asking why it seemed like I wasn’t expecting his call.

I was in an art gallery at the time, looking at inspirational works from years ago. As I took his call in the bit outside the exhibition near the toilets, I explained I was expecting to hear from him, but seven hours ago.

A hospital wouldn’t make a patient wait seven hours for a booked meeting, so why is it considered acceptable when the appointment is over the phone?

And why, if the appointments are supposed to benefit the patient, can’t the patient choose what works best for them?

I’m writing this while on the bus after having blood tests at the hospital, and I know that any minute now someone from my cancer medical team will phone. I won’t be able to hear everything they say, but I know they will ask the question I posed at the top of this piece. And they’ll want an answer while I’m sitting next to a stranger, on our way to the supermarket.

Keen to avoid such a scenario, and because my bloods and phone consultation are only an hour apart, I asked whether my doctor appointment could be changed to a face-to-face one.

I wasn’t optimistic as my “world-leading” cancer hospital isn’t great at putting patients at the heart of treatment. And so, unsurprisingly, the computer said no.

By computer, I mean my medical team. I got a message which stated: “The clinic team have advised that if you haven’t arrived home at the time of their call, they will call again later in the afternoon.”

Do you think this is really good enough? I don’t think so.

I was once told that the NHS views telephone appointments the same as face-to-face ones, in that they should take the same amount of time and benefit the patient. And, crucially, that it should be the patient who decides which one to have.

But my hospital never thinks about how embarrassing it would be for a patient to discuss personal issues on public transport.

And I know, sadly, that my hospital isn’t alone in this. In a world that’s increasingly removing the face-to-face aspects of modern life, from self-service checkouts to seemingly everything being a customer service chatbot instead of a real person, all NHS hospitals must ensure that the patient is still put first.